Everyday I would wake early and race through my workday always following the same routine. In time I slowly awoke a little later. I became very comfortable and settled. I arrogantly built a house and social life around my successful career. As time went on, I continued along the same routine schedule. My comfortable loving house had became cold. I was pulling back from my husband and children and walking through life not paying attention to the changes happening around me. I got sick. I decided to suffer silently. I wanted it to go away. Changes would not be productive so I blocked everything out. It was not fair! I was not prepared for this. How could this happen to me? So, everyday I continued to do what I had always done. I found it harder to sleep, had less energy and I became irritable. I could blame Lupus but I knew anger was controlling me at this point. I had made many idols in my life. The routine that had excited me had no place for me now. I cannot do what I had loved so energetically and desired so much. Temptation becomes a sin when we dwell on thought. The temptation that comes into my life is no different from what others experience. As a christian I should not be a stumbling block to others. But, My family became really confused and frightened. It is very intense and heartbreaking. I know they feel unloved or they feel that I am angry with them. My frustrations make it hard to be consistent with my words. But, I am learning. I love my family very much. So, I need to look everyday for an opportunity for joy and a little gratification for what I have.