Letting Go

My children have been home for Christmas holiday. With them returning to school soon, I started to talk with them about the things they remember best about Christmas. Surprisingly, what time I got up in the morning became the number one topic they both had become concerned with. Not the visits from relatives and the magnitude of presents or not even the original “no homework” answer came flying from their mouths. It was that I was waking wake up later and that was putting a damper on their little active lives. I was beginning to wonder about my time off from work and what the diagnosis of Lupus was starting to feel like to them. I knew it was going to have an impact on some things but I did not realize the worry or guilt it was going to bring to me. You know with the typical work schedule, getting up in the morning used to be somewhat of a habit. The typical body time clock that has you on some sort of routine ritual in the morning. This little inconsistency was making my mommy magic less glamorous. Maybe they were scared. Maybe they felt they had less control over the disease. Or, maybe they felt empowered because of my passiveness. In any way, we talked a little more and they returned to whatever they were doing before. Looking at this now I see that I have to let go of my guilt. The situations that are pulling me down need to be set free. I usually bottle things up and close down when imperfections come to the surface. But, I now have two little boys who have begun to let go of their need for attachment. They have begun to find their independence and see their own imperfections. I see that Letting go means different things to different people. So, it makes me smile a little because they still need me more than they think. (but, don’t tell them…)


3 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. MLM: My grown children now tell me how they felt when they were growing up and I was so sick with my lupus. They were worried, and often frustrated at my forgetfulness and CNS symptoms when it was flaring badly. The roughest was when I almost died from an abdominal artery rupture shortly after my mother’s death. They adjusted, they handled it, and we all got through it. Life is better now, and my lupus is controlled well with the new lupus drug. LA

    • Thanks so much for for the comment. I am hiatus from work right now trying to get this flare under control. It has been going on for so long and I just figured that out! I would love to be considered for the blog roll. It is amazing to hear others stories. Thanks for sharing. I also have a child that is starting to show signs. mlm

      • \Thanks so much,for your encouraging words. I am having a hard time getting used to blogging and responding so if this is a duplicate response, I apologize. I just love your site! it is so inspiring, I wold love an opportunity to be considered for the blog roll, I understand I am fairly new at this though. This great being able to read others perspective. Thanks so much,,mlm

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