Lupus-The Early Years

I feel I need to give you a little background into my life before Lupus tried to monopolize things around here,  I was an energetic child.  I studied dance, I ran cross-country, I played softball . But my real passion was swimming.  I swam competitively from the age of 5.  I also play the cello which definitely needs some fine tuning since it has been a few years since I have picked up a bow.  I was a typical teenager.   I cheered and was what others might see as an all-american girl.  But,really I was a shy, non-confident  girl with judgement all around me. I grew up knowing God and accepting Jesus as my saviour, I know to submit to him but instead he scared me   I learned this distant fear from my relationship with my own father  So, basically I drifted around after high school not being able to settle on a career choice and very unsure, of my place in this world. I was a glorified drifter with a home, friends, and family, But, I could not pull myself out from under a very heavy hand pushing down on me harder and harder.  I began to go through challenges and trials. I was mad. I was unsure and hopeless. My decisions took me through a very solace and lonely place. I put a lot of strain on my body and the damage started to unleash the wolf. I lived that way for a while, with God using his Spirit, humility, grace, comfort and committment during this time to strengthen me, He was shaping me and transforming me to be a comforting presence in someone else’s life. He designed these hardships for me personally and he knew the trials I could endure. It is hard to be submissive and trust God through hardships. I always want to shout Why me? Why Lupus? Am I being punished? The things I did to my body might be causing me more pain than I needed to go through but Lupus would have still happened. God’s trials don’t have to devastate you. If you can face them with triumph and not devastation hopefully you will begin to see how to help others whose eyes are not as open. As you know, Lupus keeps you guessing. The pain seems to not have any rhyme or reason. I can really use God’s purpose and purity at this part of my life especially since the newest challenge at home now is returning to school! With some special children this is an extremely unique time filled with STRESS.:)….and more stress. Love in Christ.


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