I want to say in advance that this is part of a painful glimpse into an always changing chaotic view of myself. Many know I have Lupus. And, I know there are many diseases out there that people are living with. Have you ever wondered how they feel? (mentally). What are you supposed to feel?
I am at a place that is empty. I have stopped feeling any emotion. I struggle through the day, Then, I get it back together before the kids come home from school. Now, as I recover, I know this place is the worst place I could be. Can you be that numb? I think so. So, when a person is in that state how can you help? Do you quietly think I am glad it’s not me or say you know you will get through this it just takes time.
I usually am an isolated person. I don’t like to talk on the phone or sit with people but, I have a overwhelming urge to help others. I have endured many different troubling life events. I think this is where I became reserved. Writing this post helps me share my feelings easier than if I were talking to someone about “how I feel”. I want to share this with you because people who are hurting might not know how to voice this. Professional help is a wonderful outlet that helps many people. But, this goes out to those who just can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong.
Even as I feel numb and depressed I know God is with me. It seems hard to accept but he is there. When you get to your dark place of your life please take a moment to pray. (or write to me!) I can’t tell you what your miracle might be but, I can tell you that being alive is a true miracle. You are the only one God made. There will be a change at some point. Being still and waiting is the hardest thing to do but that is what God has asked of us.