How do you know what love is? Better yet, do you know how to love? What expectations do you put on the people in your life? Love can be crazy at times. I know in my personal life I can be selfish. I am not patient and my pride gets in the way of treating people with the unconditional love Christ has shown to us. It is amazing how events in the early stages of your life can affect how you love and interact with people. When children are hurt , it is usually unexpected. They are loved by the people closest to them. The care and nurturing that mold a child is done with love and compassion. This kind of love is as close to unconditional as Christs’ is to us. Then here comes life…..I was praying with my oldest child and it had become the daily nighttime nightmare. Back and forth for one thing or another. It was just a normal routine that he learned gave him power. As the fight was ending he blurted out loudly, I miss my best friend. Now, I know he has many friends at school and in the neighborhood so this caught me by surprise and I gave into the grandiose thinking. As he saw the astonished look on my face he blurted out …I miss my daddy. All this time he was trying to fill a hole that I was not able to give him. As mother’s we try to fix life. But, I was starting him on a path of destruction. As adults we fill with anything we can.
He has not seen or talked to his father for about 4 years. There are many details to this part. I have sheltered him from most of the circumstances around that time. I had to go down this path for many reasons. It is amazing what Mother’s will go through to raise a child that only wants the love of the absent parent. Single Mother‘s have a very powerful role and will never fill the gap. They have the power to steer their children in a way that even though there is an emotional hole, we can teach them to fill it with memories or anything powerful for them. The pain is still real but if we give them a chance to fill it with what they want, they will learn to work out these emotions before it becomes a part of their personality as an adult.
My children are impulsive. They are sensitive to touch and noise. They can go into major bouts of tantrums. But giving them the resources to understand such a simple, direct reason for their pain gives them alternatives for handling their anger.
My Mother raised four girls. We were all at different places at the time of the divorce. Take time to talk to your child. Never assume their circumstance isn’t affecting them. My sisters and I all grew emotionally different. I only know this because I went for years not knowing why the pain always came back to me. All the time I spent in the dark, she never let go of me.