Gods Fingerprints: A struggle with Postpartum


972210_182892871869348_1291751330_n252366_178478105644158_355779262_n    It is not easy for children to put others first-we are all born sinners.  We are all naturally selfish.  I was a christian when I had my first child but I was living far from his grace and I was far from home.  After the initial blessing and visits , I was suddenly was alone with this beautiful baby boy. The love between mother and child is the most sensitive bond there is. It holds no greater capacity than love and grace.  The joy and hope of  this gift from God, turned into my broken spirit. My plans were shattered.  It became an agonizing deep depression which we now call postpartum . Depression can leave you frozen and numb to your child.  I was completely responsible for this beautiful boy but emotionally I could not give him the security and bond he needed to provide comfort and to faith

     If a child lives with tolerance he learns patience.  If he lives with hostility he learns to fight.  I was in a state of ongoing sadness.The guilt was unbearable. My dreams and hopes that once reached to the sky shattered, leaving deep darkness in my eyes. My son cried everyday.  He would throw his body back when I tried to hold him. He had a massaging cradle he would only sleep in.  Basically everything had to be done in order and in likeness.

     Living in that darkness of disappointment or discouragement  could never be understood by many.  You feel like a failure.  Please,  just stop and think….God made this child in your womb just for you.  He has a purpose for this life.  Step by step we can walk out of  darkness by following hope.  Hope is a candle that can lead you through the difficult times when darkness is all you see.  Whisper the name Jesus and there you will find comfort and hope you need.

     Postpartum can affect 5-25% of women.  Women often reflect on the negative aspects of childcare and in turn develop poor coping strategies.  These women get a label put on them and their self-esteem is deeply affected.  Happiness and laughter do not come naturally for some women and we need to stand up and help them see God´s light and love.  I have been in that darkness.  I was fully consumed with it. You cannot pull your self out of it!  I still have the repercussion even after so many years have passed.  Let God lead you in his way. Embrace where you are and take it step by step.  One activity can immobilize you but,  this child knows nothing but love for you.

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3 thoughts on “Gods Fingerprints: A struggle with Postpartum

  1. I was so happy to see this blog. This is a condition that affects so many women. I am so glad God wrapped his arms around you and pulled you through…love you so much xoxo!

  2. That was SO well written & very powerful. Sharing your struggles, insight, and beautiful inspiration will help so many people. You’re blog is amazing & such a blessing….just like you. Love & miss you dearly.

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