When you say you love me do you think I feel it. Do you think it passes through this thick, course shell that I have grown over the years? What do you want that to mean? Your manipulation has been growing in me for years. I am not a person who feels or who loves. I am the person you have made. Do you like the person you built? The one who hates life. I hate the promises you have engraved in me. Every time I hear them I feel a sting of pain that connects to every one of my organs but never leaves my body. I am stuck to live out this life you created in my head like a game that plays over and over. You have chosen me. Make me what you want because one day my shell will remain and I will be with the Holy One. The only one who can perfectly mend and love this broken child. He secretly holds me when you push. He whispers soft kind words and carries me through another day. Maybe one day you will find my friend. He is there with us, I see him every time you thrust your love against my body and remind me how much you love me.