Help Solve This Cruel Mystery


484876_180392985452670_351279867_nWe are but dust-born into a physical body that has already “fallen” and prone to cause problems for the soul.(PS.103:14).

Dear Friends,

It has been a while since I have discussed the brutal impact Lupus has habitually interfered with during my life.  Today has been a total breakdown and I stayed in bed for most of it.  Why the sadness infringes on my plans, I don’t know.  My last infection, about 3 weeks ago left me with 2 weeks of antibiotics.  I thought I was in the clear but redness hit my face and neck like supersonic colors. Of course I got my fever blister and only a little sore in my mouth but nothing like usual.  My legs and ankles have become so inflated at times I can barely walk.  I do have my special shoes but they are so decrepid I can’t even go to the mailbox in them. So embarrassing but I love them! My main concern now is my lungs. I am very short of breath and my inhaler just is not cutting it.  479777_178003839024918_1893458639_n

I am sorry for anyone going through any chronic illness.  People will never know the sadness that everyday brings.  Some days are so unbearable I can’t even put it into words.  The people in our life have to continue their routine obligations so the sadness  and guilt become overwhelming.  You hurt so bad that your focus on God can quickly disappear and allow the enemy to move right in.  I get fearful at times when I am alone.  I worry about the future and I can quickly feel my mood change.  I fear that  I do not love this person that I see.  I feel shame for some of the failures in my life.  But God sees a desire to love us through our shame and guilt. But, I feel guilt and shame for not always remembering that. Hang tight you tenacious strong survivors.  I love you all.

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10 thoughts on “Help Solve This Cruel Mystery

  1. I’m so sorry you are hurting Jen. No one in our family can truly understand what you are going through on a day-in, day-out basis….but I do know you are loved very much! It pains all of us to hear of your suffering and know God’s plans for you sharing your story touches so many hearts & lives.
    Trust your journey, Jen.
    Love you!

  2. I am so sorry for your suffering, Jen! I admire your strength! Love, Mom. P.S. remember that childhood poem “Pain, pain go away/Come again another day/Little Jenny wants to play”. I know it’s supposed to be “rain”, not “pain”, but so what, right? Hopefully your “play” days will increase soon! 🙂

    • Thanks so much. I am just learning to live with what God gave me….I feel like my life has been on hold for 5 years.
      Your childhood sounds a lot like mine(I had the un-father) so your posts are really inspiring…mlm

  3. Hang in there Jen. I wish I could snap my fingers & make it all better for you. But please know that I pray for you & love you with all my heart. You are helping so many people.

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