What is the Name of your Pillow Pet?


freedom_isnt_free_pillow-r335e46980d24447bb5b0106e569996a2_i52ni_8byvr_324Well I want to talk today about a pillow epilogue.  We all privately talk about it in our quiet haven but it usually does not become a source of  theatrical agony.  We had a friend staying with us for a few nights.  He took one of the boys rooms and so a jolt of anguish immediately overtook my emotional emphatic child who was forced to share a room with his brother.  You see we also took one of his pillows.  The one he puts in between his legs.  We have couch pillows and pillow pets but they were not his traditional pillow.  We needed to use his for our guests.  We went through a complete meltdown before I finally left the room completely exhausted and sick at heart.  About 30 minutes later I went in to check on him and he was sitting in the same position with the same somber look.  I sat with him and found out the main reason for the meltdown was he gets bruises on his knees if he doesn’t have a pillow.  How do I explain to a child who sees life through his own needs and desires that there are other simple ways to fix a pickle? At !0:00 at night there isn’t.  We laid his head down and he finally closed his eyes.boy-resting-his-head-pillow-12073399

But, where do those emotions go?  He did not get to let them out.  How can he continue to live inside of his own head and not feel overwhelmed.  I want to know what to do about it when we do talk. How can we describe our feelings and have a release of despondency?  How does he feel about my Lupus and watching me change day after day?  I am not okay with just explaining my symptoms and living this life.  He is described as having a mental illness.  No matter how you try to get around it, you can’t.  Even your family cannot be truly honest with you having  astigmatism like that.  When he is mad it is not always because he is erratic. It is a real emotion focused on his judgement.  How can we help?  We could possibly slant our point of view  and become nonpartisan to the simple pillow problems.  He got through the night now I just need him to get through the emotions.

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Mr. Clean-I Need Help With Some Tough Love


A metallic chain with an explosed link.“Don’t just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong”(Romans 12:9).  Why is it so hard to love some people?  My mother-in-law, the one who gives me a pounding headache.  The one who has the un official authority to say and do anything was ringing the doorbell at my own humble house.  I could hear her come in and I smelled the spring air fly through the house like a wave of sweetness.  I heard her uneven steps as she navigated over the things on the floor.  As I began to apologize for the jeans hanging on the back of the chairs and the shoes scattered around, I forgot about the dishes in the sink.  I quickly tried to make it to the sink without her realizing what I was about to do.  Her laughter filled the house as the hot water bubbled up and over  the soap-filled dish pan.  She put her arm around me and reminded me her house was not always perfect.  It certainly did not make her a failure as a mother. And she said,” I don’t think that of you.”  There is an admiration that comes after we have tried to do another persons job.

When I was a child everything I did had to be perfect.  The anxiety that led up to an event was gut wrenching.  I did not want ny father to make fun of me or talk down to me.  It was my sport and I was sure I knew what I was doing.  But I was so used to it.  Did he ever tell me good job?  I can’t remember.  I am sure at times he did.  Even now I am the last one out of four girls that he calls if something happens…good or bad.  is he embarrassed of me.  Does he not trust me?  After my introduction to my wild side that REALLY changed things. He did not trust my professional opinion or ask for advise on anything.  I always got a lecture on why I needed help or money.  There was always a fight. He always had to tell me what I was doing wrong. Not in a good learning experience, but  a bad hurtful one.  I loved him but now I don’t want to be around him.  I needed him.  Not to fight, not for him to dominate the conversation but to teach me, to love me. Was I a disappointment?  Is that why I am not good at much?  Am I teaching my kids that?   Am I raising my kids wrong.  That is the opinion I get from him.. Why does he hate me so much?  How do i break the cycle.  Is this why I feel so guilty after I know that I have done some thing wrong? It is  like I can never get it back.  It will never disappear and it leaves me with a big gushing hole in my heart. Is this why I can’t forgive?  It is a horrible feeling to feel as though you are not good at the things a parent expects you to be.  love-god-and-your-neighbor_21162404

As I go through my seasons I have to remember that God commanded us to love our enemies .  I pray that he will teach me how to love difficult people.

The World is Watching


002¨He saw it fit to see me through another day,¨ This is just one of the statements Oklahoma residents are mulling through today.  The devastation and emotional terror that overcomes you is unexplainable.  I know this devastation all to well.  I lived through a tropical storm that dumped water over our city for days and eventually caused a levy to break.  Our city was downstream from raging water.  In a matter of hours,  streets and houses were flooded. The rescue effort brought boats and rafts to evacuate us and whatever we could carry.  Nobody could get in or out.  Our cars and homes were held hostage by red Georgia clay water.  The city water plant flooded and we had no water for three weeks.

001I know as we see this devastation, we wonder what we can do.  What good do we get from this?  It is hard to know on a personal basis, but have you ever thought about starting over?  This can bring a transparency of sorts, leaving you vulnerable to deception and attack.  This battleground can have a devastating aftermath that can linger even  after all the destruction has been visibly removed.  I wanted to have my stuff.  That made me hopeless and lost and only God can replace that.

God gives us many ways to reclaim our relationship with him.  Unfortunately, we continue to bring destruction back into our lives.  The bondage we carry around is to hide  our transparency and leave our relationship with God detached.  The  intimacy we are so graciously given will always be there.  The purpose for such tragic situations can be Satanś greatest instrument of deception.  We all will face defeat and challenges but it is how we choose to walk through them that matters to God.

Soldier of Love


Mental Health Awareness Ribbon

Mental health is not a subject most of us do not talk about over coffee but, It could be a topic that we talk about around the water cooler at work. There is a stigma that follows that entire category.  People  genuinely enjoy talking about themselves but certain secrets we tend to hold onto  tight.  We deal with our mental health with stuff. God has empowered us to manage our lives for his glory.  So, If we can talk about ourselves so freely then why do christians have a hard time-sharing their faith?  Look around your community.  We can empower people who may have a secret hidden way back in their memory.

When my older sister was around eight her class at camp was walking through the woods.  She was a little behind her class with two of her friends.  A man came out of the woods and grabbed her.  He took off down the trail while running with her in his arms.  The two boys she was with, had the instinct to chase after them.  After a few moments he dropped her.

All types of relationships are needed to develop our faith.  At the same school, I was assaulted.  I was to young to remember so it shouldn´t affect me, right?  Well it did.  Even though I do not remember all the facts my memory kept it stored.  For most of my life I was very introverted.  I obsessed on my pain.  I was quiet and shy.  To fit in, I choose activities that forced me to be extraverted.

These memories were never worked through.  We did not talk about it and everyone  figured we were okay.  I have experienced the unique characteristics that come with this memory.  I have lived my life depressed.  I was lucky to have support but hospital stays were very confusing and they really made me feel very alone.

Mental health affects everyone.  Your experiences cannot be disputed by anyone.  We must go out to the hopeless and pull them out of the place they are holding onto so tight.  Godś grace has brought people in your life.  It is a honor to share your faith.  It is even more of an honor to walk with them so they will have a partner to be accountable to.    Mathew 7:1 says ¨Do not judge or you too will be judged.¨ God uses the word hypocrite.  So, we need to take the speck out of our own eyes.

My Pride and Joy


momI know we all have our own obsessive thoughts, right?  I have been confined to my couch for a good part of a year now with short intervals of my formal life breaking through every now and then.  This year has been filled with many devastating set backs.  Day after day I loathed in sorrow.  I was doing nothing to help my situation.  Then, a really good friend showed me that it was my pride that was getting in the way.  Pride hurts us and it hurts others around us.

We are not gracious or compassionate by nature,  We are jealous and quick to anger.  When life is good we take too much credit.  When life is bad our pride is hurt and we become self-conscious and shameful.  That becomes another way of taking too much credit because God’s will is never wrong.

I have worked diligently through the years in a field that I love. Unfortunately, it was not job description I had always longed for.  My performance reviews showed extremely high ratings and now after 20 years my arrogance finally took me down.  I could not perform the description of what my job entails.  I became depressed and broken.

God hates pride. But,  God also gives us grace and mercy when we are at our worse.  I cried out to him so many times.  Still I never could pick myself up.  I did not get to hear that still small voice that comforts us as we pray.  I was pulling away. I got very angry. But, I realized I wasn’t supposed to pick myself up, …. God was. My friends were so helpful.  People brought food and a lended ear.  But, I was crying out for the wrong reason.  I am arrogant. I want to be the best at whatever I do.  But,that is not what God wants. I feel like I am a burden and my pride doesn’t allow me to fully feel God’s grace and mercy.  My friends were not burdened, they were serving God.

God knows when we genuinely surrender.  He knows our heart and motives.  Pride can take your life.  We are never as bad or good as we think we are.  Surrendering to God while you are still grasping to your pride will not work.  God gives us unconditional love.  The less we credit him the further we pull away.

 

Unfinished Business


English: Souls being led out of Hell by Jesus

Have you ever begun a project that you did not finish?  Life happens right?  As I sit at my desk I am reminded of the multiple tasks still staring me in the face.  What if you have unfinished business with God? When I was sixteen years old, one of my best friends was killed in an accident.  She was thrown from the car and died  immediately.  All  the other passengers survived including 001the driver who was drunk.  The three remaining victims lost a piece of themselves that night.   The seventeen year old driver returned to school with a stigma  that  was unbearable.  In fact, we all returned to school and mourned the loss of our Homecoming Queen.

What happened next, was a media frenzy.  News reports and articles were headline news for a while then we all started to talk about it less often.  Sadly,  this is one of those times that was unfinished.    The bible describes hell for non-believers “as torment with fire and brimstone.”  (Revelations 14:10)  Pure agony.  You cannot revise the outcome.  We don’t know Hell and its accommodations,  but in the bible it is described as eternal loneliness and torture.  We owe this explanation to God.  The Bible has never been wrong.  When we don’t use its context  strictly as our guide for life, we are unfinished. When we rebel against God hell is imminent.  We have our whole lives to choose this gift that could affect our eternal life.

As believers we should rejoice in knowing that we will be free from the torment and pain we have in this life.  Many christians have doubts about what God is bringing into their life.  If you do not repent, this becomes unfinished business.  We are forever changing.  The solid foundation we are set upon should continue to bear fruit.  We will always have unfinished business until we go t heaven.  When we ignore situations and the people involved we miss the opportunity to finish the most important reason God has us here on earth.

Daily Prompt: The Love of Freedom and Faith


           We live in a world of uncertainty.mum 001<!–
We are all free to perform everyday  routines that affect the people around us. Everything we do has an effect on somebody.
I love being able to open the minds of my children that otherwise would have an inverted view of social development. I love them. It is as simple as that. They have unwillingly been my source of strength. Both of my children have difficult, demanding personalities. My oldest child’s entire life has been a struggle. His mind is brilliant but he has developing impulsive, disorganized, forgetful traits are not tolerated in our schools today.  He is kind and loving but, he cannot use compassion as it is intended.

In my darkest days being a Mother was truly a burden on me.  I say that not to hurt anyone but to describe how painful the mistakes I made in his young life, still hurt  in the pit of my family’s heart.  The only deep attention he got was punishment.  Poor Parenting and Teaching obviously made his disorder worse.  But, his condition was genetic and it came from God.  

Faith Happens

We have the freedom to believe in God.  C.S. Lewis said that doubt is not the opposite of faith-it is a necessary ingredient.  If there was no element of doubt, there would be no room for faith.  (It would just be fact).

Most people do not think of faith when they start the car.  We don’t look at our phone as an object of faith.  We turn it on and make a call.  All of the technical stuff is left up to the developers and their genius ideas.  But, we have FAITH that these devices will work.  What about the minds of these children and the lost?  They have no freedom.  To me, faith is my freedom… We need to teach faith differently some times and get into the minds and hearts of all the faith-busting ideas people struggle with today.