A Diamond in the Rough


A rose-cut synthetic diamond created by Apollo...

In a seemingly small town on an ordinary fall morning, I watch as children are led from cars into school like loyal and faithful soldiers.  At this age their blowsy appearance is still  being molded and transformed.  Their confidence is being tested by the stewards around them and their faithfulness grows from the deep roots of their obedience  Faithfulness is a quality of reliability.  A reliability that stands strong in the midst of any imperfection.

In dark, dusty ash brought to the surface through deep volcanic eruptions sits carbon rocks.  These carbon minerals provide the source to form  beautiful material with superior qualities. After years of pressure and heat these carbon rocks develop into a beautiful one of a kind gem.  These diamonds are flawless but only after the combustible carbon torridity transformed the imperfection into a reliable precious treasure.

I often wonder why we do not see the treasures that lie in front of us.  It is hard to push through our imperfections and see that in the end  we will be a precious diamond.  Some people can zoom through these stages and others never travel a step further.  I know as a mother I try to tidy up and present others the gem they are. That frontier is not for me execute. God gave us this wonder.  My job is to be a reliable source of obedience and focus so that I can find my diamond.

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The Journey of Love


Jesus

Jesus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Resurrection of Christ

English: Resurrection of Christ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Have you ever gone through a divorce or separation? Sadly, right now I feel as if I am in the middle of a bitter, difficult resolution of my relationship with God. Fortunately, i know that loving God is a lifelong individual journey that I will embark on for the rest of my life.

When I was 18 this journey with God began. I was very naive and did not know how to grow as a Christian. I knew something inside of me had changed. I wholeheartedly gave everything I had to worshiping Jesus. I felt love and peace. I followed Jesus faithfully and boldly. I wanted to learn everything I could about the bible. I was excited and I energetically tried to serve anyway I could. But, nobody taught me how to be a Christian.

Before I knew it, my selfish controlling attributes started sneaking back in. The devil got a foothold. I grew farther from Jesus but I still felt his presence in my life. God allowed me to do things my way. I began to make one bad decision after another and completely stopped growing in my Christian life. All the time something had a hold on me. God never left me. I began a complete downward spiral. Fortunately,  he knew when I had enough. I spent years doing it my way then God drew the line. Everything around me crumbled. He began to show me  he wanted a relationship with me personally. He gave me strength. I began a new attitude in my relationship with him and others around me. I began to see things God’s way. Many times I took baby steps or turned away all together but God remained faithful. He showed me he had bigger plans for my life,

Many parts of my life have changed since then. I became a humble servant and God began to work through me. Then, my health began to change. This is when I slowly started to feel my relationship with him trying to unravel.  It is amazing how quickly you can stop spending time in his word. How you may disagree with his plan. I became stubborn and as I defended my individual rights, it started to take away my worship and my time-serving him. Once again I was stranded. I was lonely. My relationship was crumbling right in front of my eyes. Divorce could be imminent. But, for a man who willingly laid down his life for me and endured such torture I am willing to go through some pride and discomfort to have a lasting, loving investment in this marriage. I will not go through the pain of divorce again. I challenge everyone to practice unconditional love and develop intimacy in whatever relationship honors you in your life.

I Love You Mom!


"Where there is love there is life."

mom 001Always focus on how far you've come, rather th...mom 001_1How do you know what love is?  Better yet, do you know how to love?  What expectations do you put on the people in your life?  Love can be crazy at times.  I know in my personal life I  can be selfish.   I am not patient and my pride gets in the way of treating people with the unconditional love Christ has shown to us.   It is amazing how events in the early stages of your life can affect how you love and interact with people.  When children are hurt ,  it is usually unexpected.  They are loved by the people closest to them.  The care and nurturing that mold a child is done with love and compassion.  This kind of love is as close to unconditional as Christs’ is to us.  Then here comes life…..I was praying with my oldest child and it had become the daily nighttime nightmare.  Back and forth for one thing or another.  It was just a normal routine that he  learned gave him power.  As the fight was ending he blurted out loudly, I miss my best friend.  Now, I know he has many friends at school and in the neighborhood so this caught me by surprise and I gave into the grandiose thinking.  As  he saw the astonished look on my face  he blurted out …I miss my daddy.  All this time he was trying to fill a hole that I was not able to give him.  As mother’s we try to fix life.  But,  I was starting him on a path of destruction. As adults we fill with anything we can.

He has not seen or talked to his father for about 4 years.  There are many details to this part.  I have sheltered him from most of the circumstances around that time.  I had to go down this path for many reasons.  It is amazing what Mother’s will go through to raise a child that only wants the love of the absent parent.  Single Mother‘s have a very powerful role and will never fill the gap.  They  have the power to steer their children in a way that even though there is an emotional hole,  we can teach them to fill it with memories or anything powerful for them.  The pain is still real but if we give them a chance to fill it with what they want, they will learn to work out these emotions before it becomes a part of their personality as an adult.

My children are impulsive. They are sensitive to touch and noise.  They can go into major bouts of tantrums.  But giving them the resources to understand such a simple, direct reason for their pain gives them alternatives for handling their anger.

My Mother raised four girls.  We were all at different places at the time of the divorce.  Take time to talk to your child.  Never assume their circumstance isn’t affecting them.  My sisters and I all grew emotionally different.  I only know this because I went for years not knowing why the pain always came back to me.  All the time I spent in the dark, she never let go of me.

Toothfairy, How much for a Molar?


Tooth fairy

Tooth fairy (Photo credit: aaipodpics)

English: A Snickers candy bar, broken in half.

English: A Snickers candy bar, broken in half. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rewards have become the result of our self-serving nature. The entitlement  my children display after one of their crimes has been committed, definitely shows me that they use it freely as part of a

maneuver tactic when they dart around defensive explanations.  I mean don’t you think everyone is entitled to a candy bar because they HAD to go to the store with  their mother, the one who makes lunches and the one that would be blamed if I bought the wrong kind of chips if I had gone alone.

Do you remember when your child’s nature first reared its ugly head?  Did your beautiful bundle of joy cry when they needed something.  Of course, as parents the next step is to center the attention around their child.  To keep the peace and harmony in the house we subconsciously became the sole servant who taught this child how to communicate using rewards to get what he wanted.  In the bible, we are all born sinners.  The bible also teaches us to raise up our children with love and powerful discipline.

I was going through some papers and I came across a note my child wrote to the tooth fairy.  It says:

Just leave the money on my dresser.  Please

signed:  K (nickname of course)

P.S.  Keep in touch!

Entitlement at its finest!

Desire


Embarrassing parents - swan duckling

Embassy of Babies

Embassy of Babies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have a desire for peace and quiet.  I have a desire for intimacy and obedient children.  These things rule my heart.  This causes me to judge anyone that is denying me of what I want.  I assume it is an automatic response.  When I was a kid I often got upset at the way my parents handled things.  Now that I am a parent, I wish I could remember the way they handled us.  I have three sisters and we all turned out pretty good…Right?  I see the youthfulness in my children flying away everyday.  I desire their lives to be full of laughter and joy.  Ok.  Now, let’s be real….As parents, my husband and I could not be more different.  So, right there the desire is gone…puff…gone.  Managing two special kids is never routine.  I am trying to  accept his parenting style.  But, he carries many roles.  The most important role is to help his children fit into God‘s plan.  If you come from a family with clear biblical values, it should  follow you through your lives. If you forget those values things in the home become bitter.  Many times these values are forgotten or never learned.   So instead of becoming a desirable accountability partner, I withhold mercy. There is frustration and attack. So, instead of having a discussion with my husband I talk with a friend.  Our negotiations are so heated at times I am afraid we don’t even know what we are fighting for.  I know this hurts our family.  I withhold so much anger.  I still desire my husband and love him but,  I know that I punish him. I get overwhelmed especially when I am not being heard. My motherhood is being questioned and corrected. So, I also desire to be loved and You will never learn to love if you don’t learn kindness.  So, this is what my desire is for you and for all families…

 

What do You Love More?


The Progress of Love: The Pursuit

"Love or Duty" chromolithograph of a...

“Love or Duty” chromolithograph of a painter and a nun; published in Paris by Hangard-Mangué (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love for Arts

Love for Arts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    In the pursuit of finding love whether it is the real deal or something that has become an addiction, today is the day we look at it in-depth.  Do we need all these idealizing  attempts to show a person their meaning to you?  As a Christian,  I SHOULD be serving and loving all the time.  My family  goes in so many different directions sometimes that the core of our home is starting to   show its cracks.   I have been sick  for a few months, so that I have  basically slowed down enough to see each one of us literally chipping away at the foundation of our family.  Nobody is doing it on purpose but we can’t satisfy a leadership role at our jobs  and still try to  have the leadership role in our house.  I feel we are neutralized.  Do you know what hurts your spouse the most?  Satan does.  I bet he is watching and waiting.  Have you creatively served someone today?  As, I am writing this right now I can’t think of anybody that I have reached out to.  Love, it takes time and devotion.  Are you still harbouring resentment toward someone?  Please make it right,  These are the things our children see and develop from.  Happy Valentines Day!

The Journey of Love


Jesus

Jesus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Resurrection of Christ

English: Resurrection of Christ (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Have you ever gone through a divorce or separation? Sadly, right now I feel as if I am in the middle of a bitter, difficult resolution of my relationship with God. Fortunately, i know that loving God is a lifelong individual journey that I will embark on for the rest of my life.

When I was 18 this journey with God began. I was very naive and did not know how to grow as a Christian. I knew something inside of me had changed. I wholeheartedly gave everything I had to worshiping Jesus. I felt love and peace. I followed Jesus faithfully and boldly. I wanted to learn everything I could about the bible. I was excited and I energetically tried to serve anyway I could. But, nobody taught me how to be a Christian.

Before I knew it, my selfish controlling attributes started sneaking back in. The devil got a foothold. I grew farther from Jesus but I still felt his presence in my life. God allowed me to do things my way. I began to make one bad decision after another and completely stopped growing in my Christian life. All the time something had a hold on me. God never left me. I began a complete downward spiral. Fortunately,  he knew when I had enough. I spent years doing it my way then God drew the line. Everything around me crumbled. He began to show me  he wanted a relationship with me personally. He gave me strength. I began a new attitude in my relationship with him and others around me. I began to see things God’s way. Many times I took baby steps or turned away all together but God remained faithful. He showed me he had bigger plans for my life,

Many parts of my life have changed since then. I became a humble servant and God began to work through me. Then, my health began to change. This is when I slowly started to feel my relationship with him trying to unravel.  It is amazing how quickly you can stop spending time in his word. How you may disagree with his plan. I became stubborn and as I defended my individual rights, it started to take away my worship and my time-serving him. Once again I was stranded. I was lonely. My relationship was crumbling right in front of my eyes. Divorce could be imminent. But, for a man who willingly laid down his life for me and endured such torture I am willing to go through some pride and discomfort to have a lasting, loving investment in this marriage. I will not go through the pain of divorce again. I challenge everyone to practice unconditional love and develop intimacy in whatever relationship honors you in your life.