When you say you love me do you think I feel it. Do you think it passes through this thick, course shell that I have grown over the years? What do you want that to mean? Your manipulation has been growing in me for years. I am not a person who feels or who loves. I am the person you have made. Do you like the person you built? The one who hates life. I hate the promises you have engraved in me. Every time I hear them I feel a sting of pain that connects to every one of my organs but never leaves my body. I am stuck to live out this life you created in my head like a game that plays over and over. You have chosen me. Make me what you want because one day my shell will remain and I will be with the Holy One. The only one who can perfectly mend and love this broken child. He secretly holds me when you push. He whispers soft kind words and carries me through another day. Maybe one day you will find my friend. He is there with us, I see him every time you thrust your love against my body and remind me how much you love me.
My son just told me five years ago a teacher in his school took him aside after he had bitten a little girl in his class. She was the child’s grandmother and she was entitled to pull my son out of his class and explain to him that if he ever bite her again she would pull out his teeth with pliers from the kitchen. What kind of teacher could say that to a scared four-year old. This little girl eventually became good friend with my child at school. I do not know this lady and fortunately I just heard this story from my troubled son.
My first reaction was anger but what would Jesus do? Father forgive her he would say. How do I teach my child a positive response from this? Pray, he would say….. So we did Does he understand? I don’t know but now, thankfully……. it is in God’s hands.
“Watching your child suffer rejection from an uninterested or uninvolved parent is heartbreaking.”as Ron Deal author of The Smart Step-Family explains. At times, I am plagued by relentless guilt. It is hard to pull the beauty out of these trials because the gifts are often masked by such raw emotion. Home can become a cold and busy place. We routinely walk through life trying to teach children how to survive in today’s society. We all have spiritual gifts. Teaching children to fulfil their spiritual gifts often becomes one of the most difficult tasks parents are expected to instruct their children in. Paul explains,”….. Fathers, do not stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”(Ephesians 6:4). Anger can often disable a child and stunt their spiritual growth. Anger can also bring disobedience and cause strife in the family and church heirocracy. The church relies on each member to bring their gift …… no matter how big or small.
I know we all have our own obsessive thoughts, right? I have been confined to my couch for a good part of a year now with short intervals of my formal life breaking through every now and then. This year has been filled with many devastating set backs. Day after day I loathed in sorrow. I was doing nothing to help my situation. Then, a really good friend showed me that it was my pride that was getting in the way. Pride hurts us and it hurts others around us.
We are not gracious or compassionate by nature, We are jealous and quick to anger. When life is good we take too much credit. When life is bad our pride is hurt and we become self-conscious and shameful. That becomes another way of taking too much credit because God’s will is never wrong.
I have worked diligently through the years in a field that I love. Unfortunately, it was not job description I had always longed for. My performance reviews showed extremely high ratings and now after 20 years my arrogance finally took me down. I could not perform the description of what my job entails. I became depressed and broken.
God hates pride. But, God also gives us grace and mercy when we are at our worse. I cried out to him so many times. Still I never could pick myself up. I did not get to hear that still small voice that comforts us as we pray. I was pulling away. I got very angry. But, I realized I wasn’t supposed to pick myself up, …. God was. My friends were so helpful. People brought food and a lended ear. But, I was crying out for the wrong reason. I am arrogant. I want to be the best at whatever I do. But,that is not what God wants. I feel like I am a burden and my pride doesn’t allow me to fully feel God’s grace and mercy. My friends were not burdened, they were serving God.
God knows when we genuinely surrender. He knows our heart and motives. Pride can take your life. We are never as bad or good as we think we are. Surrendering to God while you are still grasping to your pride will not work. God gives us unconditional love. The less we credit him the further we pull away.
Have you ever begun a project that you did not finish? Life happens right? As I sit at my desk I am reminded of the multiple tasks still staring me in the face. What if you have unfinished business with God? When I was sixteen years old, one of my best friends was killed in an accident. She was thrown from the car and died immediately. All the other passengers survived including the driver who was drunk. The three remaining victims lost a piece of themselves that night. The seventeen year old driver returned to school with a stigma that was unbearable. In fact, we all returned to school and mourned the loss of our Homecoming Queen.
What happened next, was a media frenzy. News reports and articles were headline news for a while then we all started to talk about it less often. Sadly, this is one of those times that was unfinished. The bible describes hell for non-believers “as torment with fire and brimstone.” (Revelations 14:10) Pure agony. You cannot revise the outcome. We don’t know Hell and its accommodations, but in the bible it is described as eternal loneliness and torture. We owe this explanation to God. The Bible has never been wrong. When we don’t use its context strictly as our guide for life, we are unfinished. When we rebel against God hell is imminent. We have our whole lives to choose this gift that could affect our eternal life.
As believers we should rejoice in knowing that we will be free from the torment and pain we have in this life. Many christians have doubts about what God is bringing into their life. If you do not repent, this becomes unfinished business. We are forever changing. The solid foundation we are set upon should continue to bear fruit. We will always have unfinished business until we go t heaven. When we ignore situations and the people involved we miss the opportunity to finish the most important reason God has us here on earth.
- Have You Any Unfinished Business? (theknowing1.wordpress.com)
We live in a world of uncertainty.<!–
We are all free to perform everyday routines that affect the people around us. Everything we do has an effect on somebody.
I love being able to open the minds of my children that otherwise would have an inverted view of social development. I love them. It is as simple as that. They have unwillingly been my source of strength. Both of my children have difficult, demanding personalities. My oldest child’s entire life has been a struggle. His mind is brilliant but he has developing impulsive, disorganized, forgetful traits are not tolerated in our schools today. He is kind and loving but, he cannot use compassion as it is intended.
In my darkest days being a Mother was truly a burden on me. I say that not to hurt anyone but to describe how painful the mistakes I made in his young life, still hurt in the pit of my family’s heart. The only deep attention he got was punishment. Poor Parenting and Teaching obviously made his disorder worse. But, his condition was genetic and it came from God.
We have the freedom to believe in God. C.S. Lewis said that doubt is not the opposite of faith-it is a necessary ingredient. If there was no element of doubt, there would be no room for faith. (It would just be fact).
Most people do not think of faith when they start the car. We don’t look at our phone as an object of faith. We turn it on and make a call. All of the technical stuff is left up to the developers and their genius ideas. But, we have FAITH that these devices will work. What about the minds of these children and the lost? They have no freedom. To me, faith is my freedom… We need to teach faith differently some times and get into the minds and hearts of all the faith-busting ideas people struggle with today.
A Grandmother Is sitting on the bed of a 10-year-old boy whose father had just left the home due to infidelity. The boy stood in front of her motionless and emotionally drained. She asked the boy to close his eyes and think of his father. After many half-hearted attempts he closed his eyes tight and thought. Once he had the memory that he cherished the most, she asked him to hold out his arms and grab that memory and pull it tightly to his chest. The boy did as he was told. With profound concentration, he opened his eyes. She asked him to hold that memory tight in his hand and put it in the pocket of his cloths. There the memory would stay. It would be there for him anytime he needed it.
God made us perfect. Although, we are all sinners, we are still God’s servants. and we are instructed to forgive. No sin has more value than another. We have all broken the commandments of God at some point in our lives. Some people are reminded of their sin everyday by the choices they have made.
The most difficult part of life for me is forgiveness. We work at clearing our heart of all the demons and the people we hurt , but do we really forget? God’s grace gives us the power to do that. The bible says, not only does God forgive but he also banishes the memory. He remembers it no more. (Isaiah 43:25.)
Bitterness and hatred can consume anybody. We are all born with God’s purpose in mind. Although the path we choose can be a result of our circumstances, God has a will for the situation you are in. Even if the choice you make has brought you down, look up. Give God’s grace a try. Forgiveness and repentance are gifts we all have. Forgive yourself one step at a time……
Maybe a child right now is holding on tight to a memory of you.
- Let me tell you about GRACE (melodyjfisher.wordpress.com)
- How Brennan Manning Changed My Life: Part II – Grace Is Enough (identityrenewed.wordpress.com)