I Need a Little Inspiration


God Love Her

God Love Her (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

HI!  How are you?  I’m good.  I bet we all have answered that response more times than we can count.  What about our children?  As parents we except that generic response from them when they get home because  as   adults we want to protect their world but not exclude future conversation.   I think this may cause emotions which could damage our relationship. Over time in any family, faulty thinking is becoming a distorted view of perception.  We ALL believe what we think.  This could cause a faulty way of seeing things.  This conflict over time could then turn into a belief and this causes lifelong feuds in many families.  We hold on to the anger unwillingly and our relationships remain broken.  Sometimes for years.  These types of relationships trickle down from generation to generation.

My inspiration right now is coming from my children.  They have lived with my illness for as long as they can remember.  I know they are hurting.  They are remarkably strong.  Confronting painful questions and seeing me sick has rendered me helpless.  I feel very alone as everyone goes about their day.  The laughter and joy do not run as deep in the house as it did once before.  But, I want to share a letter written by one of my boys:

Dear Mom,

I’m really sorry that we don’t respect you the way we should.  I love you and your my parent.  I should treat you with more respect. I know you are sick and it’s not your fault you have lupus and infections.  I try to help you and comfort you.  The last thing is that I love you!

These are supernatural words of wisdom.  As I pray daily it is your voice that comforts me.     God, thank you for allowing me to be your child and given me ears to hear.  wherever we are today God is there to help us.  God’s dear presence will rekindle the fire of hope in our hearts.

I am going through some emptiness and anger.  For so long I didn’t care for someone to get close to me.  It is hard to step out of the darkness. But step by step we can walk in God’s love. If others can learn from my mistake it may save them from the pain.  Please be encouraged. It’s better to love and support what others are doing than what we are doing ourselves.

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Battered Women are Beautiful but Broken


By Grace Are Ye Saved

By Grace Are Ye Saved (Photo credit: listentothemountains)

"North Hampton is a Domestic violence fre...

“North Hampton is a Domestic violence free-zone” (Massachussetts) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Battered women are caught in a cycle of violence.  A third of women’s injuries coming into our emergency rooms are no accident.  Most are the result of a deliberate,  premeditated acts of violence.  And,  frequently they occur over and over until the women is killed.”  –Dr. Kevin Fullin.  My story began about 10 years ago.  The violence I experienced was typical until one day I had enough.  My two toddlers were playing and after many heated arguments he pulled a gun out.  I am not sure how but by the grace of God he left.  I grabbed the children and any thing I would need and left.  At a friend’s house I began to call shelters.  After a few attempts I found one with an open bed.  I met the director at a police station where she had me follow her to our destination.  This is where you leave your pride at the door.   These shelters see a lot of people and as I sat through the intake process, I felt very alone.  I was very scared.  I needed a hug and the comfort of my home.  Is this where we go back into the situation?  My mind was racing.  My kids did not have a choice.  They were unfortunately victims of their environment.  I was the only voice for them.  My

decision, this decision is one that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.

The shelter was incredible.  The concept was wonderful but there are not enough of them.  I did feel as if it was a little cold.  I could not come and go of course for obvious reasons.  I met women in there that had incredible strength and it was not their first time there.  These shelters are well hidden and you don’t know if you are living next to one or not.

I was lucky.  I had a good job and two days later I was able to safely move into an apartment 40 miles away.  I had nothing to furnish the new house so I bought air mattresses and piece by piece we got our house to become our safe home.

What about the women who have no where to go?  Most go back to their abuser.  My thought for that is ,the need of security in the  home for their children.  It is a hard thing to get over.  There are so many steps to take to get your life back.  Everyone has the right to be safe.  The county has court orders to protect you.  I was lucky and mine never became a part of their lives again.  People always ask you why I didn’t just leave.  And, the answer for that is different for every woman.  It is not that easy.  Leaving the comfort of your house and starting again is harder than you know.

Domestic violence is not your fault.  Let everyone around you know.  I know the difficulty of that but it gets easier the more people you tell.  I think you will find more support than you ever dreamed of.  You don’ have to give the particulars but tell your neighbors, teachers, and find someone at work so you will have support when you need to get away.  Make sure your childs school has a copy of the protection order.  Keep a list of shelters in your area and give important documents like birthcertificate,  and extra change of cloths at someones house you trust.  During the heat of violence this will be impossible.  It is a hard thing to do but remember you are the eyes and ears for your children.  To what degree are we victims of our circumstances?  We are tempted to look at people in disgust and turn our heads.  But to have mercy we need to have mercy on ourselves .  Maybe the perputator needs mercy and encouragement also.

Mommy Please don’t Quit


That's My Mommy

That’s My Mommy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

THEY'LL LET US KNOW WHEN TO QUIT^ - NARA - 515709

THEY’LL LET US KNOW WHEN TO QUIT^ – NARA – 515709 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

All of my life I have been taught not to quit.  “Winners never quit and quitters never win”.  So is this why we hold on to so many bad choices?  We hide  behind many fears and resentments.  We hold onto things as if they were pieces of our heart and if we did not have those pieces we would not be complete.  It is a shame that as children the age of maturity affects our emotional completion of these certain stages.  Someone could shatter you at this distinct part in your life and you never could even know it.  You could continue through life trying to find the missing pieces and never feel like you have completed that task.  So what do we do?  We go to therapy?  It takes years sometimes.  You may even know what your hiding behind but still can’t shake the emptiness.  People enter your life and they to are trying to fulfill something they maybe unaware of. We need beauty and caring that is  non possesive and cannot be contaminated by a judgement for acceptance.  Never quit and get to those suffering before they do.001

What is Really Happening


FOR YOU LOVE PEACE .......... MAMITA SUFFER PA...

Pain truly becomes a part of everyday life when you are living with lupus or any chronic disease.  We live in a society today that tends to believe we should not experience sickness or death.  In past generations patients were treated at home.  Family members would watch over them and even the children would come gather around to watch the person die.  Today, when people are very ill they go to the hospital.  The visits by children are usually only for a little while.  The children do not see the sights or the smell of the diseases.  We have become a society where it is not normal to feel pain.  We expect not to expierence sickness or any bad expectations.  But, these things are very real. With lupus, physical pain is bad enough, but emotional pain is perhaps even worse. This pain makes you feel like a victim.  In society we can get rid of the physical pain but what about the emotional side of things?  It is at this time with a disease like lupus that we can get in trouble.  It is hard to handle because pain is pain.  When you are going through it there is no distinction.   People believe in this turmoil that Jesus has abandoned them.  I believe it proves he hasn’t.  He is transforming my life and the lives around me.  Pain cannot always be taken away.  We cannot run from it, we have to deal with it.  Now, with title of lupus I feel it is even more important to have and use God’s characteristics such as the capacity to love and to be loved, to think, to feel and to act with our own free will.  I hope with this image I can focus on my internal worth.

Manipulation


Today. I was challenged with my strong-willed child. He is the eldest and is pushing his power limits to the very edge. He has always had a manipulate root with a motivating force that seemed to drive him. He differs from the rest of the family in degree not kind. We all want to be the boss and have a drive for power. I believe that power and control are equal in context. We are a blended family. My husband had no children of his own and has become a model father for both of them. But, My son is struggling for power. My children have special needs of their own. We have to literally show them what is socially acceptable and what is not. They don’t just learn the skills that we take for granted. We have put simple steps to follow throughout the day. A reminder of sorts with signs because he would not brush his teeth…etc. You get the point. I think when I got sick, his control became intense. He is fighting for his desire to be the boss. This in turn motivates him more and pushes him stronger. He has learned the act of manipulation. This little act has changed the complete dynamics of our family. We have to remind him he is still a child. It is hard but as mothers we put all of the blame upon ourselves. Why can’t my child remember to brush his teeth or make his bed after the millionth time he has been told? Raising a strong-willed child and being sick is a very cruel joke. But, it’s just that. A funny walk through life. Just please don’t come to my house….its way to messy!

Lupus Rant


The Lupus 3 dark cloud and associated hot youn...

wedding 001
Have I told you today that I hate Lupus? I hate waking up, walking out of my bedroom and hearing….Nothing. Everyone has already started their day. I look around the house and all I see is a mess. Someone forgot their Friday folder, Someone left the milk out, and cloths are everywhere because of course nobody folded the cloths in the dryer so they were missing all their essentials. Sometimes it feels like everything is crumbling around me. Did I tell you I was a perfectionist? I might have forgotten to mention that. I guess that is getting better because before if I saw my husbands cloths lying in front of the hamper I would lose it. I am not sure why the boys in this house cannot actually dump the cloths in the container instead of right in front of it? Anyway, I am sad. I cannot stay awake more than a few hours at a time. And, now I am boring. I am not a fun mom anymore. My family tells me they love me. I know they do and don’t see things the way I do but I don’t want my life to be like this. Can anyone make it go away? Sorry everyone, I just need to vent. Lupus will not win! It may today, but not forever.

Lupus from a Child’s Point of View.


I kids 001asked my children to tell me how they feel about Lupus and how they feel about me being sick.  These are  some of the things they said.  The writer in me had to correct some grammar but  I love we got to the surface of their feelings.  I hope to get even deeper because they are the future and the future of medicine.  I hope to unleash a passion in them. Well, maybe I am getting to deep at this point..  Right now what I really love is that they love me.  They hear what is going on and they care about the changes going on in this family.

My mom sleeps in late, is always sick, and has strep . My mom is sick all the time, but I can sill have fun with her. At the end of all of that, she is the best mother in the world, no exceptions!   by caleb……… It is hard when my mommy is sick. I still have fun.  We get to watch movies and do laundry, She watches us play on our scooters.  I am angry sometimes. I am angry with the doctors because they won’t make a medicine to help lupus.  But it still won’t break us from our love.  I am happy when she feels good.  I love mommy with all my heart and soul.  We pray every night like our mommy and me time….conner