Summer is upon us. The routine school days that are usually packed with schedules and soccer now turn into lazy, long and hot monotony that can be grueling for parents. My children have usually attended afterschool programs but this year I will be home with them through the summer. This is going to involve a massive dose of mommy magic!
Mommy magic involves a little tug on a closet door that magically locks when I try to open it. I am the only one who can lock the scary, dark unknown lair where cloths seem to become a dark evil force that my children cannot get out of their psyche before they go to sleep. Fear of the unknown and mommy holds the magical lock. My oldest child is beginning a new phase in his school life. He has become increasing anxious and lately. his fear has become apparent. I see his younger brother is stepping out on his own. He has been quietly pulling away from the domineering personality of his brother. But, as I have learned, a child with ADD doesn’t know he is bossy. He does not know that his self-esteem is being tested with every new relationship he tries to form. These children have often been in a constant cycle of negativity that can overwhelm any family.
This summer is going to challenge me. I will be right in the line of fire and I will be the mediator for the neighborhood brawls. It is actually going to test all of us. They will not have to stick to a tight schedule . I am sure the chore list will some how magically disappear on some of the long, lazy days of summer. I have learned to expect the unexpected. I hope to document the transformation this summer. I hope I can be a witness for some of the children. Growing up in a family of girls was hard I thought. That was before, well …. hopefully you will return to read some of these adventures. 🙂
We live in a world of uncertainty.<!–
We are all free to perform everyday routines that affect the people around us. Everything we do has an effect on somebody.
I love being able to open the minds of my children that otherwise would have an inverted view of social development. I love them. It is as simple as that. They have unwillingly been my source of strength. Both of my children have difficult, demanding personalities. My oldest child’s entire life has been a struggle. His mind is brilliant but he has developing impulsive, disorganized, forgetful traits are not tolerated in our schools today. He is kind and loving but, he cannot use compassion as it is intended.
In my darkest days being a Mother was truly a burden on me. I say that not to hurt anyone but to describe how painful the mistakes I made in his young life, still hurt in the pit of my family’s heart. The only deep attention he got was punishment. Poor Parenting and Teaching obviously made his disorder worse. But, his condition was genetic and it came from God.
We have the freedom to believe in God. C.S. Lewis said that doubt is not the opposite of faith-it is a necessary ingredient. If there was no element of doubt, there would be no room for faith. (It would just be fact).
Most people do not think of faith when they start the car. We don’t look at our phone as an object of faith. We turn it on and make a call. All of the technical stuff is left up to the developers and their genius ideas. But, we have FAITH that these devices will work. What about the minds of these children and the lost? They have no freedom. To me, faith is my freedom… We need to teach faith differently some times and get into the minds and hearts of all the faith-busting ideas people struggle with today.
How do you know what love is? Better yet, do you know how to love? What expectations do you put on the people in your life? Love can be crazy at times. I know in my personal life I can be selfish. I am not patient and my pride gets in the way of treating people with the unconditional love Christ has shown to us. It is amazing how events in the early stages of your life can affect how you love and interact with people. When children are hurt , it is usually unexpected. They are loved by the people closest to them. The care and nurturing that mold a child is done with love and compassion. This kind of love is as close to unconditional as Christs’ is to us. Then here comes life…..I was praying with my oldest child and it had become the daily nighttime nightmare. Back and forth for one thing or another. It was just a normal routine that he learned gave him power. As the fight was ending he blurted out loudly, I miss my best friend. Now, I know he has many friends at school and in the neighborhood so this caught me by surprise and I gave into the grandiose thinking. As he saw the astonished look on my face he blurted out …I miss my daddy. All this time he was trying to fill a hole that I was not able to give him. As mother’s we try to fix life. But, I was starting him on a path of destruction. As adults we fill with anything we can.
He has not seen or talked to his father for about 4 years. There are many details to this part. I have sheltered him from most of the circumstances around that time. I had to go down this path for many reasons. It is amazing what Mother’s will go through to raise a child that only wants the love of the absent parent. Single Mother‘s have a very powerful role and will never fill the gap. They have the power to steer their children in a way that even though there is an emotional hole, we can teach them to fill it with memories or anything powerful for them. The pain is still real but if we give them a chance to fill it with what they want, they will learn to work out these emotions before it becomes a part of their personality as an adult.
My children are impulsive. They are sensitive to touch and noise. They can go into major bouts of tantrums. But giving them the resources to understand such a simple, direct reason for their pain gives them alternatives for handling their anger.
My Mother raised four girls. We were all at different places at the time of the divorce. Take time to talk to your child. Never assume their circumstance isn’t affecting them. My sisters and I all grew emotionally different. I only know this because I went for years not knowing why the pain always came back to me. All the time I spent in the dark, she never let go of me.
Rewards have become the result of our self-serving nature. The entitlement my children display after one of their crimes has been committed, definitely shows me that they use it freely as part of a
maneuver tactic when they dart around defensive explanations. I mean don’t you think everyone is entitled to a candy bar because they HAD to go to the store with their mother, the one who makes lunches and the one that would be blamed if I bought the wrong kind of chips if I had gone alone.
Do you remember when your child’s nature first reared its ugly head? Did your beautiful bundle of joy cry when they needed something. Of course, as parents the next step is to center the attention around their child. To keep the peace and harmony in the house we subconsciously became the sole servant who taught this child how to communicate using rewards to get what he wanted. In the bible, we are all born sinners. The bible also teaches us to raise up our children with love and powerful discipline.
I was going through some papers and I came across a note my child wrote to the tooth fairy. It says:
Just leave the money on my dresser. Please
signed: K (nickname of course)
P.S. Keep in touch!
Entitlement at its finest!
I want to say in advance that this is part of a painful glimpse into an always changing chaotic view of myself. Many know I have Lupus. And, I know there are many diseases out there that people are living with. Have you ever wondered how they feel? (mentally). What are you supposed to feel?
I am at a place that is empty. I have stopped feeling any emotion. I struggle through the day, Then, I get it back together before the kids come home from school. Now, as I recover, I know this place is the worst place I could be. Can you be that numb? I think so. So, when a person is in that state how can you help? Do you quietly think I am glad it’s not me or say you know you will get through this it just takes time.
I usually am an isolated person. I don’t like to talk on the phone or sit with people but, I have a overwhelming urge to help others. I have endured many different troubling life events. I think this is where I became reserved. Writing this post helps me share my feelings easier than if I were talking to someone about “how I feel”. I want to share this with you because people who are hurting might not know how to voice this. Professional help is a wonderful outlet that helps many people. But, this goes out to those who just can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong.
Even as I feel numb and depressed I know God is with me. It seems hard to accept but he is there. When you get to your dark place of your life please take a moment to pray. (or write to me!) I can’t tell you what your miracle might be but, I can tell you that being alive is a true miracle. You are the only one God made. There will be a change at some point. Being still and waiting is the hardest thing to do but that is what God has asked of us.
HI! How are you? I’m good. I bet we all have answered that response more times than we can count. What about our children? As parents we except that generic response from them when they get home because as adults we want to protect their world but not exclude future conversation. I think this may cause emotions which could damage our relationship. Over time in any family, faulty thinking is becoming a distorted view of perception. We ALL believe what we think. This could cause a faulty way of seeing things. This conflict over time could then turn into a belief and this causes lifelong feuds in many families. We hold on to the anger unwillingly and our relationships remain broken. Sometimes for years. These types of relationships trickle down from generation to generation.
My inspiration right now is coming from my children. They have lived with my illness for as long as they can remember. I know they are hurting. They are remarkably strong. Confronting painful questions and seeing me sick has rendered me helpless. I feel very alone as everyone goes about their day. The laughter and joy do not run as deep in the house as it did once before. But, I want to share a letter written by one of my boys:
I’m really sorry that we don’t respect you the way we should. I love you and your my parent. I should treat you with more respect. I know you are sick and it’s not your fault you have lupus and infections. I try to help you and comfort you. The last thing is that I love you!
These are supernatural words of wisdom. As I pray daily it is your voice that comforts me. God, thank you for allowing me to be your child and given me ears to hear. wherever we are today God is there to help us. God’s dear presence will rekindle the fire of hope in our hearts.
I am going through some emptiness and anger. For so long I didn’t care for someone to get close to me. It is hard to step out of the darkness. But step by step we can walk in God’s love. If others can learn from my mistake it may save them from the pain. Please be encouraged. It’s better to love and support what others are doing than what we are doing ourselves.
I have a desire for peace and quiet. I have a desire for intimacy and obedient children. These things rule my heart. This causes me to judge anyone that is denying me of what I want. I assume it is an automatic response. When I was a kid I often got upset at the way my parents handled things. Now that I am a parent, I wish I could remember the way they handled us. I have three sisters and we all turned out pretty good…Right? I see the youthfulness in my children flying away everyday. I desire their lives to be full of laughter and joy. Ok. Now, let’s be real….As parents, my husband and I could not be more different. So, right there the desire is gone…puff…gone. Managing two special kids is never routine. I am trying to accept his parenting style. But, he carries many roles. The most important role is to help his children fit into God‘s plan. If you come from a family with clear biblical values, it should follow you through your lives. If you forget those values things in the home become bitter. Many times these values are forgotten or never learned. So instead of becoming a desirable accountability partner, I withhold mercy. There is frustration and attack. So, instead of having a discussion with my husband I talk with a friend. Our negotiations are so heated at times I am afraid we don’t even know what we are fighting for. I know this hurts our family. I withhold so much anger. I still desire my husband and love him but, I know that I punish him. I get overwhelmed especially when I am not being heard. My motherhood is being questioned and corrected. So, I also desire to be loved and You will never learn to love if you don’t learn kindness. So, this is what my desire is for you and for all families…
- How To Be A Kid (violetkim.com)
- Helicopter Parenting Can Violate Students’ Basic Needs (medicalnewstoday.com)
I asked my children to tell me how they feel about Lupus and how they feel about me being sick. These are some of the things they said. The writer in me had to correct some grammar but I love we got to the surface of their feelings. I hope to get even deeper because they are the future and the future of medicine. I hope to unleash a passion in them. Well, maybe I am getting to deep at this point.. Right now what I really love is that they love me. They hear what is going on and they care about the changes going on in this family.
My mom sleeps in late, is always sick, and has strep . My mom is sick all the time, but I can sill have fun with her. At the end of all of that, she is the best mother in the world, no exceptions! by caleb……… It is hard when my mommy is sick. I still have fun. We get to watch movies and do laundry, She watches us play on our scooters. I am angry sometimes. I am angry with the doctors because they won’t make a medicine to help lupus. But it still won’t break us from our love. I am happy when she feels good. I love mommy with all my heart and soul. We pray every night like our mommy and me time….conner