Summer is upon us. The routine school days that are usually packed with schedules and soccer now turn into lazy, long and hot monotony that can be grueling for parents. My children have usually attended afterschool programs but this year I will be home with them through the summer. This is going to involve a massive dose of mommy magic!
Mommy magic involves a little tug on a closet door that magically locks when I try to open it. I am the only one who can lock the scary, dark unknown lair where cloths seem to become a dark evil force that my children cannot get out of their psyche before they go to sleep. Fear of the unknown and mommy holds the magical lock. My oldest child is beginning a new phase in his school life. He has become increasing anxious and lately. his fear has become apparent. I see his younger brother is stepping out on his own. He has been quietly pulling away from the domineering personality of his brother. But, as I have learned, a child with ADD doesn’t know he is bossy. He does not know that his self-esteem is being tested with every new relationship he tries to form. These children have often been in a constant cycle of negativity that can overwhelm any family.
This summer is going to challenge me. I will be right in the line of fire and I will be the mediator for the neighborhood brawls. It is actually going to test all of us. They will not have to stick to a tight schedule . I am sure the chore list will some how magically disappear on some of the long, lazy days of summer. I have learned to expect the unexpected. I hope to document the transformation this summer. I hope I can be a witness for some of the children. Growing up in a family of girls was hard I thought. That was before, well …. hopefully you will return to read some of these adventures. 🙂
How do you know what love is? Better yet, do you know how to love? What expectations do you put on the people in your life? Love can be crazy at times. I know in my personal life I can be selfish. I am not patient and my pride gets in the way of treating people with the unconditional love Christ has shown to us. It is amazing how events in the early stages of your life can affect how you love and interact with people. When children are hurt , it is usually unexpected. They are loved by the people closest to them. The care and nurturing that mold a child is done with love and compassion. This kind of love is as close to unconditional as Christs’ is to us. Then here comes life…..I was praying with my oldest child and it had become the daily nighttime nightmare. Back and forth for one thing or another. It was just a normal routine that he learned gave him power. As the fight was ending he blurted out loudly, I miss my best friend. Now, I know he has many friends at school and in the neighborhood so this caught me by surprise and I gave into the grandiose thinking. As he saw the astonished look on my face he blurted out …I miss my daddy. All this time he was trying to fill a hole that I was not able to give him. As mother’s we try to fix life. But, I was starting him on a path of destruction. As adults we fill with anything we can.
He has not seen or talked to his father for about 4 years. There are many details to this part. I have sheltered him from most of the circumstances around that time. I had to go down this path for many reasons. It is amazing what Mother’s will go through to raise a child that only wants the love of the absent parent. Single Mother‘s have a very powerful role and will never fill the gap. They have the power to steer their children in a way that even though there is an emotional hole, we can teach them to fill it with memories or anything powerful for them. The pain is still real but if we give them a chance to fill it with what they want, they will learn to work out these emotions before it becomes a part of their personality as an adult.
My children are impulsive. They are sensitive to touch and noise. They can go into major bouts of tantrums. But giving them the resources to understand such a simple, direct reason for their pain gives them alternatives for handling their anger.
My Mother raised four girls. We were all at different places at the time of the divorce. Take time to talk to your child. Never assume their circumstance isn’t affecting them. My sisters and I all grew emotionally different. I only know this because I went for years not knowing why the pain always came back to me. All the time I spent in the dark, she never let go of me.
I asked my children to tell me how they feel about Lupus and how they feel about me being sick. These are some of the things they said. The writer in me had to correct some grammar but I love we got to the surface of their feelings. I hope to get even deeper because they are the future and the future of medicine. I hope to unleash a passion in them. Well, maybe I am getting to deep at this point.. Right now what I really love is that they love me. They hear what is going on and they care about the changes going on in this family.
My mom sleeps in late, is always sick, and has strep . My mom is sick all the time, but I can sill have fun with her. At the end of all of that, she is the best mother in the world, no exceptions! by caleb……… It is hard when my mommy is sick. I still have fun. We get to watch movies and do laundry, She watches us play on our scooters. I am angry sometimes. I am angry with the doctors because they won’t make a medicine to help lupus. But it still won’t break us from our love. I am happy when she feels good. I love mommy with all my heart and soul. We pray every night like our mommy and me time….conner