Whisper to Jesus for Comfort and Strength and Bedhlam Will Show Your Spirit


jpg-creativity-is-so-delicate-a-flower-that-praise-tends-to-make-it-bloom-while-discouragement-often-nips-it-in-the-bud-samuel-bJames 3:5 says, “The tongue is a small thing but what enormous damage it can do.”Children live in deep un conscious unity with their parents.  They may be able to feel a parent’s emotions and moods before they are expressed. When a parent develops setbacks, these can cause great discouragement to the child. disasters and obstacles can control the leadership of the family eventually sowing a seed in the child’s behaviour.  Beliefs produce that behavior. This initiates us to believe the things that are not true. This control produces sinful behavior and every act of sin in our lives begins with a lie.

Children have the biggest hearts. They do not use lies as opportunities. Their devotion and tender prayers are so simple and free from judgement.  Why can’t we love like that?

God’s  compassion changes everyday.  It becomes new and fresh.  But what if God turned the tables and offered us no compassion?  When we asked for forgiveness what if he said no?  When we asked for a helping hand, and he said he did not have time.?. Many people are unaware that this behavior consumes their heart.  Many days I am an empty shell in need of a loving hand to feel around me.  I feel if I make one more mistake I could easily stay this way. I am truly powerless but how do you become powerful when its hard to think straight?rf_detail_227_0

We can never know exactly what we will face each day .  But we need to dressed for the fight.  Before rising, let prayer be your protection. In these times we all need a saving grace who can provide comfort,hope and strength.

Plane Crash


god us air jet hudson river cartoon  Plane Crash. Bags flying everywhere.  The captain standing at the front of the plane telling jokes in his Dallas cowboys pajamas.  What a vivid imagination for a 10-year-old flying by himself.  Through the eyes of a child life seems so unbalanced.  These mystical experiences can seem so dangerous but, are they?

As a child our perspective is simple.  It is life that messes it up. There is an intimate purity and love that can only be seen through a child’s eyes.  At this time of year lights sparkle. Neighbors and friends give out cookies and cards. So why as adults are we so dismal?  We are reminded of the loss in our lives.  We try to replay the past holidays as if we can perfect the details of those gingerbread treasures.

We also hear the story of the birth a baby born to a virgin that ultimately grows up to die in a tremulous way.  This story can be frightening for a child who hasn’t learned the power of sinful forgiveness.  But he shines in everyone.  He gives these little ones companionship and virtues.  His intimacy guides them through experiences no mortal influence could.1470389_10151684512871735_259634300_n

Your substances belong to Jesus.  Let no one defeat you… “little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong”.

Out of My Mind


friendship-28a I am sitting at my desk looking out the window at the beautiful butterfly bush that brings vibrant color and serenity.  The house is quiet and the cat is napping on the window ledge soaking up the sun that fills the house.  But I sit vacant. Like I am abandoned. The emotion I  felt throughout my life has been changeless.  The times of happiness have never been able to push through this invisible realm I have.  I truly sit and wonder what do people feel when they look at their newborn baby or look at pictures of fun memorable times?  I love my boys but at times I just traveled through the days  feeding, changing, bathing. I wanted to crawl in a ball when they wanted to play or interact.  It hurt so bad to see them look up at me as an innocent being needing love or approval but my heart was still stone cold.  mom 001

I am always anticipating a time when I will be abanded.  My oldest child was a very good baby.  He never cried when people held him.  Then he started to pull away.  He did not want to be held.  He had certain triggers and particular ways he had to sleep.  He cried all the time and I had to be in constant interaction with him.  I soon figured out he needed more intense play.  He liked lights and certain movements and certain textures.  Even with this, I still could not break through my emotional sphere. Could he see through me?

There is like a black globe holding in my emotions.  It sits in the middle of my head and I can see everything around it.  It will not crack open. It makes me feel empty.  I still cry and laugh but my body does not get the euphoria that comes with those emotions. I still feel sometimes there is nowhere to go.  I go through the day understanding that one person out there knows and they have had enough of being raw. Just because we don’t feel it completely or we feel it the wrong way doesn’t mean we need to silence ourselves.  I hope to find peace outside of my black sphere. Thank you for letting me share this with you.

Is Your Life a Victory or Vanity?


Feel Good Together

Feel Good Together (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I want to say in advance that this is part of a painful glimpse into an always changing chaotic view of myself.  Many know I have Lupus. And, I know there are many diseases out there that people are living with.  Have you ever wondered how they feel?  (mentally).  What are you supposed to feel?

I am at a place that is empty.  I have stopped feeling any emotion.   I struggle through the day,  Then, I get it back together before the kids come home from school.  Now, as I recover, I know this place is the worst place I could be.  Can you be that numb?  I think so.  So, when a person is in that state how can you help?  Do you quietly think I am glad it’s not me or say you know you will get through this it just takes time.

I usually am an isolated person.  I don’t like to talk on the phone or sit with people but, I have a overwhelming urge to help others.  I have endured many different troubling life events.  I think this is where I became reserved.  Writing this post helps me share my feelings easier than if I were talking to someone about “how I feel”.  I want to share this with you because people who are hurting might not know how to voice this.  Professional help is a wonderful outlet that helps many people.  But, this goes out to those who just can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong.

Even as I feel numb and depressed I know God is with me.  It seems hard to accept but  he is there.  When you get to your dark place of your life please take a moment to pray.  (or write to me!)  I can’t tell you what your miracle might be but, I can tell you that being alive is a true miracle.  You are the only one God made.  There will be a change at some point.  Being still and waiting is the hardest thing to do but that is what God has asked of us.

What is Really Happening


FOR YOU LOVE PEACE .......... MAMITA SUFFER PA...

Pain truly becomes a part of everyday life when you are living with lupus or any chronic disease.  We live in a society today that tends to believe we should not experience sickness or death.  In past generations patients were treated at home.  Family members would watch over them and even the children would come gather around to watch the person die.  Today, when people are very ill they go to the hospital.  The visits by children are usually only for a little while.  The children do not see the sights or the smell of the diseases.  We have become a society where it is not normal to feel pain.  We expect not to expierence sickness or any bad expectations.  But, these things are very real. With lupus, physical pain is bad enough, but emotional pain is perhaps even worse. This pain makes you feel like a victim.  In society we can get rid of the physical pain but what about the emotional side of things?  It is at this time with a disease like lupus that we can get in trouble.  It is hard to handle because pain is pain.  When you are going through it there is no distinction.   People believe in this turmoil that Jesus has abandoned them.  I believe it proves he hasn’t.  He is transforming my life and the lives around me.  Pain cannot always be taken away.  We cannot run from it, we have to deal with it.  Now, with title of lupus I feel it is even more important to have and use God’s characteristics such as the capacity to love and to be loved, to think, to feel and to act with our own free will.  I hope with this image I can focus on my internal worth.